anxiety attacks, 2004-11-28, 9:18 p.m.
I've been really anxious lately. I know exactly why, but anxiety is taking over.
I don't want to go back to work. I really don't want to go back to work.
Funny thing is that I have four months left to my maternity leave. A little more than four months - I go back the 28th of March, but that's really the monday of easter vacation. I start back to work to 5th of April.
And that's if I have a job. I still don't know where I'll be and well, it's causing some frustration. And I found out that my salery insurence doesn't cover me for this. So I'm very frustrated and scared about it all. And I wonder how I'm going to sort it all out.
But, I do have four months. And while he might never understand, at closer to a year he'll be able to deal with the separation better. We have a lead on a care giver and I'm hoping that works out.
My baby does so much now - he sits up on his own, he's trying to stand, he crawls around everywhere backwards and it currently trying to go forward to kiss the cat. He talks so much, trys to read his books and has done downward dog pose in yoga. In four months, he'll be doing so much more and understanding so much more. Who knows how it'll be then.
Just, right now, all of that is not enough sometimes to throw off the anxiety.