When on vacation, I bought some books. Surprise, surprise. One book I saw in chapters was something I almost didn't buy. It was one I thought that April had talked about, but couldn't remember. Entitled 'Cunt: A Declaration of Independence', but Inga Muscio, it bore itself out to me by the colourful cover and the flower that reminded me of the journal I brought. I couldn't remember if she'd said the book was good or bad, felt it was most likely good, but had to think about it - we weren't in full buying everything we wanted mode at that point.

After finding it, we went downstairs to the magazines. I found the new 'Off our backs (the feminist newsjournal)' which had reviewed it. From the opening paragraph of the review, I knew that I had to get it and I did. Cunt was mine.

It was fantastic. Absolutely wonderful. Read it. Claim it. It's very honest, very conversational and at points, quite raw. I don't agree with all of it, much of it was not new to my thinking, but it was presented in a way to make me think.

However, this review and recomendation is not the point of this entry. I've been wistful since I read the sideline of the review. It reads: "Dear Jenn, This book as meant so much to me and has really helped shape who I am as a person and a woman. I can't think of anyone I'd rather share its wisdom with than you and I hope you enjoy it! Lots of Love, Michelle". The reviewer, Michelle Lee was giving the book as a gift to her sister. After reading it - and especially after discussing it with my family yesterday, sort of, I realized that I have no such female relative to share it with.

It's very much like having a great secret that you want to tell everyone, but have no one that would care. My mom and sister - one of whom is a feminist, but not to the same degree as I am, one of whom thinks that feminism is silly or at least unnecessary, but did do a chapter of it in sociology and feels that's enough. I love them both, but it's not somewhere I can go with a lot of this. It's my soapbox, my interest, my area, but it's not a sharing place. My mom does consider me an expert - it's not her I have a longing for. My mom is a feminist, but not a radical and one who is rethinking some of her ideas. I just want a sister who I can share a book like this with. Someone who doesn't, when hearing the title, say 'Thats a dirty, dirty word'. Someone who listens to my comments and doesn't shut them out - even if they don't agree with them. I felt envy for the little note that the reviewer attached when she sent the book.

I need a feminist sister. One that I can debate with and one with whom I can share books. Let her know how much a book meant to me and share.

I don't think that's too much to ask, but I also think it's everything.

(3 comments)

<<