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A rant about homophobia, 2003-02-16, 2:40 p.m.


I am at the parents house. It's funny how much I like coming here on sundays. However, I just made a mistake - I did ten minutes on the elipse machine in my clothes, waiting for the computer. So now I'm all sweaty and still in jeans and a t-shirt. Lovely.

I'm going to finish my application for innovative schools this afternoon and get it done. Since the deadline was extended I was tempted to put it off until the delayed last minute, but why? Really, that would be silly. Well, execpt for the fact that I always do things like that.

Tomorrow I have to write an essay on sexuality and education. I plan to writing about the blindness of homophobia. How it attacks a word, an idea, a feeling and does not wait until they know the person. It's going to be somewhat personal - how can it not be? - and include stories from my life and what I have observed.

See, I think that homophobia is blind. It looks at the word 'lesbian', 'dyke', 'gay', 'homosexual', etc and not at the person behind the word. It looks at the idea that two people are of the same sex and together as opposed to two people being happy together. It looks at the feeling of love as defined by an individual as opposed to society and it shuns it.

Way back when I was getting married, I made the comment that I was changing my name because I recieved death threats about it. Which I have. I never mentioned that my last name was Dyke. My first name is Alison. Yes. A. Dyke. When I started university, I had an e-mail adyke@myschoolsdomain. In two years, I recieved three anonymous e-mails telling me I deserved to die because I was a lesbian. They did not look to see the basis of my address - my name, not my sexuality - but instead thought I was a secure lesbian who had decided to choose my e-mail promoting that. Now, at the time, I was an insecure person who had not yet had a chance to look at her sexuality to a great extent, instead focusing her attentions on body and issues as a female in a sexist society. These letters prompted me to change my e-mail but also to examine. Close a door but open a much wider one. That's another topic and one I may or may not write about here. However, this experience also taught me about homophobia. About how stupid people are when it comes to something they have decided to hate. Three e-mails in two years from different universities from the states. These people did sweeps of the user accounts at different universities, found mine which was in a different country than theirs and were prompted to write. How horrid and lame is that? How blind can hatred be? I say this with only these personal experiences - very limited. It gives me some insight into those facing daily homophobia, but not in the same way. Stories of friends make me understand that point.

I am looking forward to writing this essay because I think our schools are breeding grounds for homophobia. We have 'gay' as the insult du jour. Boys cannot be sensitive or they are called 'fags'. Lesbianism is cool as long as they are doing it for guys. We need to teach on this issue and we need to make our schools safe. It is only when schools change that the world can change. Our schools produce those that run the world. If they leave with a lack of understanding then they leave with a closed mind. We need to open it - even just a crack - so that they can try to make changes in their world.

I'm going to requote the speech by Matthew Sheppards dad from 'The Laramie Project'. It seems to fit so much.

    NARRATOR: Aaron McKinney was found guilty of felony murder which meant the jury could give him the death penalty. That evening, Judy and Dennis Shepard (parents of victim, Matthew Shepard) were approached by McKinney's defense team, who pled for their client's life. The prosecution indicated they would defer to the family's wishes as to whether or not to pursue the death penalty. The following morning, Dennis Shepard made a statement to the court. Here is some of what he said.

    DENNIS SHEPARD: My son Matthew did not look like a winner. He was rather uncoordinated and wore braces from the age of thirteen until the day he died. However, in his all too brief life he proved that he was a winner. On October 6, 1998 my son tried to show the world that he could win again. On October 12, 1998 my first born son and my hero, lost. On October 12, 1998 my first born son and my hero, died, fifty days before his twenty-second birthday.

    I keep wondering the same thing that I did when I first saw him in the hospital. What would he have become. How could he have changed his piece of the world to make it better?

    Matt officially died in a hospital in Ft. Collins, Colorado. He actually died on the outskirts of Laramie, tied to a fence. You Mr. McKinney with your friend Mr. Henderson left him out there by himself, but he wasn't alone. There were his lifelong friends with him, friends that he had grown up with.

    You're probably wondering who these friends were. First he had the beautiful night sky and the same stars and moon that we used to see through a telescope. Then he had the daylight and the sun to shine on him. And through it all he was breathing in the scent of pine trees from the snowy range. He heard the wind, the ever present Wyoming wind, for the last time. He had one more friend with him, he had God. And I feel better knowing he wasn't alone.

    Matt's beating, hospitalization and funeral focused worldwide attention on hate. Good is coming out of evil. People have said enough is enough. I miss my son, but I am proud to be able to say that he is my son.

    Judy has been quoted as being against the death penalty. It has been stated that Matt was against the death penalty. Both of these statements are wrong. Matt believed that there were crimes and incidents that justified the death penalty. I too believe in the death penalty. I would like nothing better than to see you die Mr. McKinney. However this is the time to begin the healing process. To show mercy to someone who refused to show any mercy.

    Mr. McKinney, I am going to grant you life, as hard as it is for me to do so, because of Matthew. Every time you celebrate Christmas, a birthday, the Fourth of July remember that Matt isn't.

    Every time you wake up in your prison cell remember that you had the opportunity and the ability to stop your actions that night. You robbed me of something very precious and I will never forgive you for that. Mr. McKinney I give you life in the memory of one who no longer lives. May you have a long life and may you thank Matthew every day for it.

Remember... it's not who you love. It's how.


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