I start new classes today. Yay. Not really. No jitters tho. I'm just anxious. I want this term to be over. Over. Over. I shouldn't wish time away, because there are those that want all the time they can get. And wishing the term away is wishing away time. Fine for me, not for others. I just want this term to go as quickly as the first half. And I want everyone to make it out.

Course... the lack of jitters might also be because I don't really care about who is in my classes. There used to be a feeling (like in high school or in other uni classes) of 'I hope they like me'. This of course was presuming that of course I'll like them. And that having them like me will change my world somehow. Perhaps I've become more secure with myself, however, since I think I had this feeling in September when I started first classes, I'm not sure. Perhaps its a realization that its not important to be liked. Respected yes, but thats so subjective that its almost not possible to try for. Its important instead to have an open mind, go in, not trying for any 'likes' or 'dislikes' but instead get through this freekin term. Does that make sense? Well, it doens't matter if it does or not because noone is going to answer me back or tell me that I make little sense. Thats the nice thing about this medium.

Its weird, I've starting writing in this almost every day. Sometimes twice a day. I who swore up and down that I couldn't write a diary. But this isn't really a diary. I'm not getting into much personal stuff. I don't talk about how I feel when this happens if its major. You don't know details about my life - just the frosting of it. And frosting is nothing. Hell, I scrape off frosting half the time. Maybe I will get personal sometime. Maybe I can't trust that my own personal psycho isn't reading this and won't. Maybe one day I'll shock everyone and get into my psyche. Or not. I'm just having fun here. It's surprising me and I'm wondering when that will end. As I've never been able to keep a diary. And putting things online, as much as I love the internet, is not a possiblity. And I made this clear in a presentation on online diaries a few weeks ago. But for some reason, this is working. It doens't make me feel better. But it lets me talk. Just as good. I think.

"And its true that I stole your lighter. And its also true that I lost the map. But when you said that I wasn't worth talking to, I had to take your word on that." ~ Liz Phair, 'Divorce Song'.

"Make it go away, or make it better. Cuz I would do either one for you" ~ Holly Cole, 'Make it Go Away'

Ok... an hour until classes. I have my english teaching methods one first. I don't want any group work. I really don't. If I have a choice, I'll work alone. I hate group work. Everyone is so busy and everyone puts different emphasis on projects so that none are particularly well done. So I want to work alone. I hope that the projects are a curriculum unit and a website and perhaps online forum posting. That'd be a nice course. We'll see.

anyway... must have some more breakfast. hungry.

Alison

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