Well, things are weird and weirder around here. For one, I'm having a baby in 19 days or so. (have I mentioned?) For another, I was awoken with health news about my grandfather which I had to help decide if my parents were going to find out or not until they get back. I think it's official - I'm getting old.

I've noticed the aging thing a few times. The birthday candles of course were a tip off. As was the whole moving out, getting an apartment with a boyfriend, getting a car with that boyfriend, getting a house with that boyfriend, forming a rocky relationship with the inlaw, getting married to that boyfriend, getting a permanant job, buying a house with the husband and buying a station wagon. But there's a bit of kid there all the time. And selfishness.

Lately, the selfishness has to take a backseat. Or at least, be the second choice - the event that happens when the nonselfishness has happened. I can't go buy books for myself right now, but I do buy them for little P. I have to realize that in a bit, I can't just do nothing - I can do nothing but have to know where this child is and what he is doing. I already love him so much and now have to figure out how his presence in my life changes my life and how it makes it better.

I have to make mature decisions. Eating only sugar for breakfast isn't an option anymore. Having potato chips for supper isn't always an option either. Fruits, veggies, carbs, sugars, grains, fats, everything must be thought of. It's all a little weird and grownup. Not that I didn't think of these things before, but now, they're top priority in making sure I don't misfeed my child.

Past that, do you know how hard it is to call Russia and try to reach someone? Perhaps when I reach them, I can continue the vein of thought in this entry which seems a little disjointed. It's just a little weird, being the one responsible for passing on news. Again, it's the taking the maturity by the horns and sucking it up and being the oldest sibling and the responsible one.

Just a question - if I'm supposed to be the grown-up, why do I feel like such a child?

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