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Ode to my cousin, 2003-07-04, 5:18 p.m.


We have a big family party coming up. Aunts and uncles galore will be there, helping my parents celebrate that they have been married thirty years and will both turn fifty this year. Arrangements are being made for people to sleep in different places in my parents house, with all 'under-30' that show up to be tented out in their backyard. Cousins that I've not seen in ages are going to be there, with significant others and fetuses in tow (yes, one is pregnant).

There is one that won't be there and it always surprises me when I remember that. He's not dead, this isn't one of those big homages to someone who I'll never see again. But he is on the mainland and is coming down for another big celebration this summer and can't come down twice. Since the other celebration is his fathers birthday, it's easy to see why he's coming down for that one. But if you know his dad, don't let him know, because I think it may be a surprise.

Anyway, this cousin was my closest cousin when i was a child. Younger than me by a few months, we were put together every time there was a visit. When we were young, his sister was there as well, but as we grew, we were more of a pair while his sister, unfortunately, teetered on the 'too young, too old' side at times. I can remember a time when we went to the hometown of our mothers. The three of us quite young, my younger brother only one years old - if that. It's a little murky now. I would have been five, he would have been four, his sister two? Something like that. We were a little group, kept quiet by paper and leads, supplied by my aunt. That is until I went to the washroom. Then, my cousin took my paper and refused to give it back, citing that his mother gave it to us. I said it was mine. He bit me. Hard. On the back. The screams filled the room of all three of us I believe - me because I hurt, him because he knew he was in trouble, his sister because she was scared. It all got sorted out, but it's still a favourite story.

Then there were the trips out to his town and his trips to my town. We were two hours apart, so there were a lot of visits, at least compared to those I had with other cousins who were further away. We sang, played piano, made 'perfume', went to playgrounds, read and did a lot of walking. I remember doing his paper route with him one time - I don't remember if it was after he'd been attacked by a dog on that route (a huge dog jumped through a glass door at him. Just one of the reasons that big dogs freak me out!). We went to see one of his musicals. We played barbies, we played 'Summer Games' and 'Winter Games' on the commadore. He taught me songs that made my mom mad (especially the one about killing your teacher). We were each others friends during family reunions when cousins of our age were snobby and mean and slept in late. We'd walk around and talk about them and about other things. Both of us were a little later in growing up, even if we weren't late in maturing.

There were downsides to this friendship. I felt a competition with him - so close in age, so close in abilities made us natural competitiors. I don't think he felt it. He entered university in a wave of scholarships and I entered. But we got closer, as he came over to my house for supper more often. We began having coffee more often, especially when he became a RA and had an apartment he shared with someone who is now a collegue of mine. We ate cheesecake and drank coffee and talked about the rough times we were having. One of our cousins who had been snobby and mean was also there and we reformed a relationship with her. He did threaten to kill my cat, but he was really sympathetic when she died, so in some ways, it balances out. (Of course, his threat was empty and allergy based, otherwise, he wouldn't have been forgiven. Just so you know.) I think I was the first family member he came out to, something that makes me proud - of him and of our relationship.

I've not seen him much. We read each others diaries (at least, I know I read his and he knows how to get here). We're not that close that we write all the time - or even at all. But he is a cousin I have a special relationship with. And one that I will miss having at this shindig that's being planned. Cuz, if you're reading this, you'll be missed. Hopefully we'll see each other at some point this summer or next. And update more!


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