I feel lonely sometimes.

This week that I've been home for so long all alone. With this, D. is great, he's my best friend, but sometimes, I need a girlfriend here.

There are people that I want to be friends with. One I just about added to my msn contact list. I want to write her and tell her I like her poetry, but I'm scared. She's so cool and neat, but I'm kinda dull and not cool enough.

There are others that I meet, but I seem to not get along with them. People at work are either too old or too dull for me. Or I'm a little out there for them. I need someone who is silly and fun and smart and feminist and doesn't mind my dorkiness. Especially the dorkiness.

Where do you meet people? Work is eh in that matter, graduate school was more like work than anything. When I worked at the phone company there were lots of people my age and situation, so I did make friends there, but damn, it's rough in my current profession, which it shouldn't be. I guess there aren't enough silly, fun, smart, feminist, dorky teachers out there that are open to friendly relationships.

I have friends yes. I'm not a total pariah. But not call up and do stuff friends. Not have fun with and giggle friends.

For my graduation, I tried to pretend I did. I invited d. and p. to supper with my family and they didn't come. They said yes (well, p. said yes) two weeks before, but the night before, d. turned it all down. Which is fine. I guess I just wanted to feel that I had other friends than family.

My mom is the same way. She said once that this is the first time she's not had a close girlfriend. Recently, one of her girlfriends from our old town came to visit. They were great together.

I have some friends like that - ones that are away. Some I've lost contact with, others not so much. And one I talk with often. She's great.

But damn. Little lonely.

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