I'm feeling quite unsettled.

Last night watched 'O'. For those unfamiliar with it, it's the story of 'Othello', retold in High School. It was originally scheduled for release in 1998, but due to the Colombine Shootings, came out in 2001. It deals with, as the original does, jealousy between 'friends', and the ability of the mind to decieve you into mistrusting those you love.

I'm unsettled because of the theme of violence of schools. The line 'someday, everyone will look at me', spoken from a voice over, with the character in the back of a police car. Really, the desperation that it takes for someone to resort to such violence.... it's amazing. Or is it really? We ignore the signs of depression and the need for attention in so many children without knowing it. The character, Hugo, wanted to be noticed as a good basketball player. Yet, his father the coach, only noticed Odin, saying that he loved him like a son. Jealousy of Odin spurred his actions. His need to soar like the Hawk he felt Odin was and his need for attention meant the deaths of five people. He injected steroids into his body to meet the masculine ideal, he took verbal abuse from his father to be seen as the man his father wanted, he wanted to excel at the sport which defined manhood in his school. This is not only the quest for attention, but also the quest for traditional manhood as seen by much of North American society.

I think in many ways, this is how boys and girls differ. This is a classic case of the extreme call for attention - for the male teenager. For the female, it is so often distruction of themselves - eating disorders for example.

I've been rereading 'Prozac Nation: Young and Depressed in America' by Elizabeth Wurtzel, which in someways, in a study of the female/male mind, appears to be the bookend of 'O'. She makes a comment that all she wanted to do was make her mother love her, yet all she did was disappoint her mother. This is parallel to the character of Hugo in 'O' - he just wanted attention and positive feedback from his father. Execept, he choose to rid himself of his opponents for this attention through their deaths. Wurtzel choose to seek this attention through her own death. As Odin crashes from superstar to suicide through the manipulations of Hugo, Wurtzel crashes on her own.

Prozac Nation has since been made into a film. I've not seen it as it is yet to be released. I think, if it is true to the book, that this movie and 'O' should be shown in teacher training programs. We need to be able to recognize what is happening when a student wants someone to just have someone look at them. 'O' was based on 'Othello' by Shakespeare. Yet, in all of this time, it is still beliveable that it could happen today. When will we all learn?

I have to go now, but there is so much I want to say on this topic. My mind has been churning since I saw the movie - I dreamed of what to say. I need to think some more. This entry began from the gut. I need to begin one from the mind and write.

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