I just did my new yoga tape. It wasn't really hard enough. I hate that. But it's specific for a body part (the back), so I have to realize that some of the active poses won't be on the tape. But its 55 minutes, so that's good. I really love yoga. I think I need to get the intermediate tape or the third tape in the Power Yoga set. I have what they deem is an intermediate tape already and it's easy (execpt for some of the suggestions for more advanced students which involve pretzelizing myself). So I have to move in my yoga career. I guess doing an hour or so a day makes you better at it or something.

I am now officially stating my weightloss at 50 pounds. I'm down so many sizes and much smaller. 10 pounds a month is about right. That's great an all, but that's 50 pounds of me. Which is kind of sad. I lost 50 pounds of myself. Of course I'm happy about it - I'm healthier, firmer (yet squishy in places) and I wear clothes I couldn't before. I guess it's just weird thinking I lost so much of my physical self.

I've determined something lately. I don't always defend myself. I don't say things to people when they say things to me. Well, I do, but I'm very careful about it and don't always defend myself to the fullest extent. This is because I can be really cutting with remarks. I can say things that can really mess someone up. My parents know this - when I used to fight with siblings they had to hold me back. I don't 'see red' with anger. I see white. And I fight that way. Which is why I get so angry and frustrated after an encounter with someone. I've wanted to say more, but I have to control myself. Because I don't want to say more and hurt them to a large extent when it's just a disagreement not worth destroying a relationship for. I think that's what happened a few days ago and why I was so upset. I had to hold back because some of the things I could have said were way to strong. I did defend myself and my turf, but I didn't make comments that cut. Later, when I didn't 'see white', I thought of better ways to say what I wanted. I guess, words are getting to be something I'm stronger at. Verbal linguistic is one of my strenghts. I have to learn to be able to state them without it being hurtful strong. I can do that when I'm passionate about something. I just have to control it when I'm angry.

In saying that, I'm uncomfortable. I don't be control to the sense that I'm holding back words. Nor do I mean it in the sense that I'm censoring my thoughts or being walked over. But I can't hurt people in the process.

That all being said, I have to get a shower. I have a package to pick up!!!

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