We just had someone come into talk to my class from Planned Parenthood. They made some points that made me think. I'm going to share my thoughts. If you are at all squmish about talk of sex, don't read on. Or perhaps you should...

Girls and Boys, Womyn and Men. Don't have sex until you're ready. That does not mean do not have sex. Just, ok. Don't have it until you are ready to deal with the emotional and physical consequences of intercourse. Emotionally, sex can make a couple closer if they are close and ready, or bring them further apart if they are not ready and not able to discuss it. You may cry if you are ready or not. You may resent the other person. Physically, the first time might not be great. Physically, you could develop STDs/STI's. You could get, or might get someone pregnant. You know you are ready if you can discuss this. Or at least thats part of the way to know you're ready. If you can discuss with your partner that you don't want children or discuss their past partners great. And, unless you are trying to parent a child or get something that they might have, use protection. Preferably two kinds. A condom and another kind. Like the pill. The pill is good. Or, if you don't want to go to your doctor, there's foam and other types of birth control available at the drug store. Use these things. Combine two types of birth control please. And a condom should be one of the types. Girls, I give you permission to get mad if a guy says 'Baby, I can't wear a raincoat/rubber/condom, its not natural and means that I'm being strangled'. Ok, it fits over an arm - it won't strangle you. Unless you're putting it on wrong. Ask yourself - choosing between not natural with birth control now or natural childbirth. Guys, you can get mad at a girl if she refuses to touch herself to put in birthcontrol. Yes girls, you may have to touch yourself 'downthere' to insert foam or a diaphram. Get over it. Or make it part of foreplay. Birth control is there for your use. If you can't buy it, go to a planned parent hood and get some free stuff. But use it.

And girls. Sex is supposed to feel good. For both parties. This is a big misconception that you may think is silly for me to mention. But its not. Make sure that you're enjoying it. Both of you make sure that you're enjoying it. Sex is not just a physical act, but one where people are trying to please each other through physical and emotional connections. If both of you aren't enjoying it, you need to discuss this. And if you can't or don't feel open enough with your partner to discuss it, then you're not ready to have sex.

Just because you've had sex once doesn't mean you have to have it twice. Just because you've had sex with one partner doesn't mean that you have to have it with another. And just because you have sex it doesn't mean that you stop doing things like going to movies, going to supper or waterfights. No. It is just another dimension to a relationship, it is not the relationship (unless that is mutually agreed between two partners that they are in this relationship for just SAFE sex.)

Get tested. Get your pap smears and your prostate exams. If you are embarassed about it, get over it. Do you want to die of embarassment? I thought not.

A good lover is not one that is big or tight or wide or can last forever. A good lover is one that listens, does things to please you and expresses appreciation for things you do to them. Remember that. And be safe.

If you have any questions, please e-mail. Or drop a note in my guestbook.

Ammended August 4th. I did not mention. This message is the same for homo, hetero and bi, as well as transgendered sexualities. No matter if you love men or womyn and what label that places on you, you stilll need to use protection. And you still need to be able to discuss with your partner. Everything still applies. This was on my mind as I wrote it, but I think I was a little heterosexist in the terms I used.

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