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Surface or no?, 2003-07-10, 6:42 a.m.


Thanks for your comments in my last entry and for the support. I'm trying to stay goal oriented, not task oriented about my paper, but damn, the goal changed and seems unreachable. The goal had been to have 30 pages on this topic. I've written 26, with perhaps one or two pages that could be taken out and I still have several sections to write. I have a big paper and it is acting as such. It has consumed my life in many ways and I want my life back.

Part of this is my own fault. I did have more time and I wasted it. I suck in that regards. There was so much else to do that I didn't balance and have my paper done as well as other things. But that is not the point. The point is that when people said I had a complex paper, I didn't listen and tone it down. And now, I'm scared I'm doing a surface job on it. Here is a section of the paper - the analysis of the artist Pink as a role model for students:

Pink is one such artist who is successful in her genre. Born in 1979 as Alecia Moore, she lists influences such as Mary J. Blige, Madonna, Whitney Houston, Eminmen and her father. A product of a divorced home, Pink grew up both self-confident and rebellious and found herself switching from attitudes such as skateboarder, rave child and hip hopper. (Starr, 2001). Labeled an R&B artist, she has been signed to LaFace Records, the same label as the same label as Toni Braxton and TLC. When her first album was released Pink had her hair coloured bright pink and sang songs with titles such as �There U Go� and �You Make Me Sick�. She appealed to the older teenage market and exhibited more sassyness and angst than her music peers of Britney Spears, Mandy Moore and Christina Aguilera. (�VH1.com: Pink: Biography,� n.d.) Her follow up album entitled �M!ssunderstood� attempted to be more honest, with Pink stating:

    I have faith people loved the last album not because it was the sound of the day but because they felt the strength of a young woman not afraid to express herself. There are so many lost kids not into teenybopper garbage. I'm one of them, and I want to reach out my hand. I'm not in this for the 'entertainment business.' Music should be much bigger than that. ([email protected], n.d.)

On this newest album, Pink performs songs such as �Family Portrait�, �Don�t Let me Get Me� and �Just like a Pill�. These songs are grittier than many that appear on the radio and are brutal in their honesty. In each of these songs she exhibits angst � about herself, about her family and about a relationship. Through this music she exhibits inwardly addressing and dealing with her problems. She has internalized the feelings involved in each relationship and has blamed them on herself.

In �Family Portrait�, Pink sings about the break-up of her family. The lyrics read as follows:

    Mama please stop cryin'
    I can't stand the sound
    Your pain is painful and it's
    Tearing me down
    I hear glasses breaking
    As I sit up in my bed
    I told God you didn't mean
    Those nasty things you said

    You fight about money
    About me and my brother
    And this I come home to
    This is my shelter

    It ain't easy, growin' up in WW3
    Never knowin' what love could be
    You'll see,
    I don't want love to destroy me
    Like it has done my family
    Can we work it out
    Can we be a family
    I promise I'll be better
    Mommy I'll do anything
    Can we work it out
    Can we be a family
    I promise I'll be better
    Daddy please don't leave

    Daddy please stop yelling
    I can't stand the sound
    Make mama stop cryin'
    'Cause I need you around
    My mama she loves you
    No matter what she says is true
    I know that she hurts you
    But remember I love you too!

    I ran away today, ran from the noise
    Ran away (ran away)
    Don't wanna go back to that place
    But don't have no choice, no way

    It ain't easy, growin' up in WW3
    Never knowin' what love could be
    But I've seen,
    I don't want love to destroy me
    Like it has done my family

    In our family portrait
    We look pretty happy
    Let's play pretend, let's act like it
    Comes naturally
    I don't wanna have to split the holidays
    I don't want two addresses
    I don't want a stepbrother anyway
    And I don't want my mom to have to change her last name!

    Mama'll be nicer
    I'll be so much better
    I'll tell my brother
    I won't spill the milk at dinner
    I'll be so much better
    I'll do everything right
    I'll be your little girl forever
    I'll go to sleep at night
    Daddy don't leave... daddy don't leave
    (Written by Pink & S. Storch)

In this song she has internalized the problems of her family. She sings of trying to be better, changing her ways, doing everything right in order to save her family. Promising to be better, she tells her mother that the pain her mother is feeling is tearing Pink herself down. The problems that she has encountered in her family have impacted on her personally. However, instead of acting out, she stays in the family, trying to change. Even her action of leaving home is met with the inability to follow through � she has no choice and must return. This song is in many ways a theme for internalization of emotions.

Pink also exhibits signs of �Junior Mother� in this song, taking over care for her brother and encouraging them to �act friendly� in a song. There are parallels between her situation in this song and a student profiled in Peggy Orenstein�s work �Schoolgirls: Young Women, Self-Esteem and the Confidence Gap�. In this work LaRhonda was an eighth grader who, besides other pressures, had the added pressure of having to take care of her family. The situations are different: LaRhondas� father was in jail, as was her mothers� boyfriend. She had few male relatives older than her available to her. She was the oldest child in the family and felt that she had to take care of her family while her mother worked. Orenstein states:

    LaRhonda sees her mother as ensnared by the circumstances of womanhood; she, too, believes that as the eldest daughter, she is obliged to alleviate her mother�s suffering in a way that her brother, for instance, who is just a year behind her in school, is not. (Orenstein, 1995)

The second most common reason that students drop out of school is that they have to take care of siblings or family members (Weissbourd, 2000). Girls often feel that they are expected to do more chores than their brothers and often are struck by the �Junior Mother� syndrome of which Orenstein writes. Pink has captured this feeling in her work, stating that she will take care of her brother, she will take care of her family and she will do what she can to protect her family. She has internalized the problems as, like a �Junior Mother�, has offered what she can to keep the family together. Another song from Pinks latest album is �Don�t Let Me Get Me�. This song talks of Pinks dissatisfaction with herself, her looks and her feelings. The lyrics are as follows:

    I never win 1st place
    I don't support the team
    I can't take direction
    And my socks are never clean
    Teachers dated me
    My parents hated me
    I was always in a fight
    'Cause I can't do nothing right

    Everyday I fight a war against the mirror
    Can't take the person staring back at me

    I'm a hazard to myself
    Don't let me get me
    I'm my own worst enemy
    It's bad when you annoy yourself
    So irritating
    Don't want to be my friend no more
    I wanna be somebody else

    LA told me
    You'll be a pop star
    All you have to change
    Is everything you are
    Tired of being compared
    To damn Britney Spears
    She's so pretty
    That just ain't me

    So doctor doctor won't you please prescribe me something
    A day in the life of someone else
    (Lyrics by Pink and D. Austin)

This song indicates a major internalization of feelings that Pink has experienced, or at least has written about. Her commentary that she was �always in a fight/�cause [she] can�t do nothing right�, followed by the line �Everyday I fight a war against the mirror� indicates that the fight she fought daily was not against others but perhaps against herself. She has indicated that she is her own worst enemy and implores the listener �Don�t let me get me�. While again she has indicated some externalization of her problems, she is primarily indicating that her problems are fought against herself and asks someone else � a doctor � to help her overcome these issues. She is asking, much like a classic heroine, to be saved.

Pink does have many songs where she is fighting back against oppression. She can be used as an example of liberation. Lyrics such as �I was in love wit ya. But the hell wit ya cuz you didn�t wanna treat me right� (�Hell wit ya�, 2000) show how far music has come � a white female singing songs in the R and B tradition about liberation from unhealthy relationship and bringing back some of the suggestiveness of lyrics from the original R and B traditions. However, this confidence is outlaid by lyrics such as �Don�t let me get me� and �I�ll be so much better�. Pink herself has said ��I�m pretty confident, and at the same time, I�m pretty insecure. I�m like a walking conflict.� (Rolling Stone, 4/25/02). Despite her strong messages, she is representing the internalization of females. Perhaps it is even a worse message to young girls because it externalizes any strength they have into dealing with others, but internalizes and then dissipates any strength she has in dealing with herself. She presents how many interpret what it means to be female � strong yet weak, confidant yet insecure. Her fighting attitude masks someone who cannot fight against herself. As a role model, despite her �dump the jerk� lyrics, Pink represents a girl who can specify appearance as reasons she does not fit in. Through her negating of her appearance and internalization of her families problems she presents a boxed in version of femininity � yes, she can dump that dud but she cannot dump her traditional internalization of emotions and reactions.

It's not great but there are glimmers that it can be saved. I think

In other news, I got the job. I am now employed and I'm thrilled. I suspect it was the belated well wishes and ass smacks that got it for me. I teach four language arts and an art class. yay.

OK, breakfast. Then to class. Then lunch, then writing, then class. Then home and working on the house. Then writing. Then sleep. Please, let there be sleep.


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