The Past, 2005-01-07, 8:15 p.m.
There's someone in my past that I miss. A female who for several years was my best friend.
We grew apart when I was in a play and was rehersing all the time (seriously - it was a musical done in a different form of direction so it took hours and hours a week). I stopped wanting to hang out with a mutual friend and so that meant that she was with him more and me very little. Added to that, I was breaking up with a relationship and starting a new one and trying to recover from an illness. Ahhh... the last year of university. Then friends were putting on a play and it was really stressful (very disorganized) so I dropped out and lost them as friends. She told me to stop by after a certain time to pick something up if I wanted to see her. I did but she wasn't home and when confronted on it I didn't defend myself properly but instead talked of fears of rejection. It was a bad friend breakup and I miss her.
Anyway, I've wanted to contact her for a while. We lost contact, as happens when you're not talking to someone. Her sister went to my dads school and was quite successful, but I've not talked to anyone from the family in eight or nine years.
I was checking out a local blog site and her sister is an administrator of it. I looked at her journal and just have this overwhelming urge to write her and ask her to contact my friend of the past. I'm just scared. What if she doesn't want to talk to me? I should be past all of this and I'm sure she is, so what would the point be? But the urge is still there.
Sometimes the past comes up on you. I made many mistakes, many many mistakes. So did others. And I wish that I could talk to her about them. But I think that I can't. I can't open up to the hurt that she might not want to talk to me as well.