Keep the homefires burning.

Primary and secondary earner.

Support. Children. Provide.

I am in an equal relationship. I'm going to be making more than my husband. We don't care. He made more than me for years. We don't care. He studies his interests, I study mine. He pursues his dreams, I pursue mine. He cleans, I cook. Sure he gets the remote more often, but I'm the one who drives. It's fairly fair. It's equal. We work well.

Why is it that society makes it so that my life will stop with children? I've been told that 'things will change' with children. Not by one person, not by two, but by many. Why? Past the obvious of course. Why are children a curse as much as a blessing?

I want children. I also want my doctorate. If I didn't want that, perhaps I wouldn't be so fixated on this. I could go with my plan to get my doctorate at around age 32 and it'd be good. That'd give me a chance to do some writing, perhaps teach a course, do some readings.

Problem is, I crave this academic life. I crave it and want it and need it. I fear when my masters is over - the masters that I'm finishing two terms before I was scheduled to. I need the input of others, the discussions, the issues. I want to teach in this arena at some point.

But I want to have a child. Or two. But at least one. Healthy is my preference. I want a child before I'm 30. Before meaning 'any day now'. How do I balance what I want for that child - two loving and committed parents who have time and support for their child - with my professional and academic goals? I can't give up on either, but I am scared I'll have to.

I don't want to be a womyn who looks back and has regrets. I'm so scared I will be.

BTW, I'm reading Flux, as recomended by April. It deals with these issues and more. It's reassuring and thought-provoking. I pass on the recomendation to you.

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