Around a month ago, 'We have brains' asked:

If you are married, did you take your husband's last name? Or, if you're unmarried, do you plan to take your husband's last name? Why or why not? If you did not take your husband's last name, have you ever had any problems because of it? How about Mrs.? Are you, will you ever, be "Mrs." anyone, or is "Ms." the only title you will will ever take? In general how do you think this naming thing should be handled? Last names, children's names, etc.

So very often, I've had to justify my change of last name to people. When I married, I did change it to my husbands name. So often, people say 'I never thought you would change your name. So often, I have to talk about why I did. Sometimes it feels like justification, other times it feels like a lecture.

D. and I had a conversation about it recently. I remarked that L. hadn't changed her last name. I then said that I wouldn't of, had I liked my last name. As he likes that I changed it (but would have been ok if I hadn't) I teased him that he was lucky. It's a bit of a joke really.

For those who did not read on this earlier, I used to have 'Dyk@' as my last name. Just substitute an e for the @ sign, and you've got it. And with a first initial 'A', that's a bit rough. I recieved death threats. I was told how I didn't deserve to live. There was much giggling. Had I been a secure lesbian, I would have reveled in the luck of my name. Being me, whatever the definition you wish to place on me, I was fighting all the time. In a junior high situation, I was uncomfortable and defencive. I'd been trying to change it for years and now had a reason to actually get off my butt and do it.

So it was changed. And I know it wouldn't have been if it weren't such an uncomfortable name. However, it stuck around for many things. I have two last names at times, when corresponding with my employer, submitting some assignments and in other such situations. Both last names are on my masters degree. There are less death threats that way.

The Mrs. vs. Ms. bit is a little easier to answer. Before and after marriage, I've stayed a Ms. I'm not Miss, a young innocent, nor am I Mrs. which implies that my definition is only as a wife. I'm Ms, which I have claimed much like a male would claim a Mr. And that is that.

In terms of how the name thing should be handled in general, well, I think it's all individual. If, in any they choose to take one last name or another or make up one to share or keep their original names fine. That's choice. In terms of children, thats again personal - I know some families that gave female children the mothers name and males the fathers. I know other families that all have one name, whether it's one name or the other or a hyphnated one.

All I would like to see with the naming business is that every is happy and secure in their identities. My new identity spells out AIE! (or, pronounced AIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!) and that's pretty cool to me.

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