New * Older * Me
Profile * Notes * Book
Rings * Reviews
Friday Five * Writings
Web design and photo � Heavenly Ginger,
here because of Diaryland
Brush from this site

We Have Brains Collab

< ? diary of a feminist ! >
< ? blogs by women # >
< # Blogging Bitches ? >

<< # Bitch Club ? >>

100 Books Club

Being a mom, 2004-05-19, 1:42 p.m.


One thing that amazes me about early motherhood is the dependance on other people for some things and the fight to be independant in other things. For example, entertainment. I am, right now, dependant on others to entertain me. Perhaps it shouldn't be so, but it is. I wait for people to visit because I can't go out easily - the baby feeds every time he wants, not on a definate schedule. It's very hard to plan a trip anywhere, from the doctor to my parents house. So I get pissed when people don't work on my schedule, then pissed at myself for being selfish and feeling as though I need them to entertain me.

I'm trying to be independant in other matters however. I don't want other people to do loads for me. And they keep reminding me 'major surgery'. Or 'sleepless nights'. Which is true, and which makes me appreciate all the help I can get. But it's nice being the one who makes the baby stop crying and being the only one who can feed him. And being the one who chooses what outfits to put on him and who can lie down with him and cuddle when ever I want. Or sit at my computer cuddling him close and reading website. I love all of this. Love it.

I think that's why I like the days at home alone with the baby. As much as I like all the other times, there's something nice about being the only one responsible. Of course, it's wonderful to pick up D. and have him take over. But being the one responsible and making decisions - when to sleep, when to eat, what to do when the baby cries - is nice. I'd never want to do this without D. and times with the three of us together can rival the feeling of being alone with the baby. But I like this.

I guess I just don't like being disappointed when people don't put me as high on their schedule as I put them on mine. And I'm selfish about being a mommy. Even when I'm covered in spit or poo or milk. It's all part of it and I appreciate it all.

Yes, even the poo.


(0 comments)

<<

>>


Miss
These?
* Moving Day ** Things I know ** Where I whine about food ** Long sickness description ** Explaining *