I'm in dire need to talk to someone tonight. Someone I know. That's why, I think, I've written so many entries this evening. Some on the auction, a memory and this one. Perhaps more after this.

D. is out tonight. They were giving an award in honour of his dad that he had to give out. He just called. He and his brothers are now drunk. Good on them. He sounded happy and said it was because of two words. I guessed them - 'free bar'. So they're drinking away and I can't blame them.

I'm virus scanning my machine and terrified that it'll come up with something. I've been good about attachments and the like, but you never know. That's all I need. I've always been afraid of people seeing what I do and what I say, where I go and what I see. Even before I knew about trojans and the like. So now I'm quite scared.

I've been craving chocolate milk lately. Chocolate milk and artificial cheese. I think my hormones are kicking in more - it's that time of the month and I've been stereotypically PMSing. Packing in the chocolate milk and the artifical cheese. Sucking down the painkillers for the amazing cramps. Being told I need a naptime because I'm so cranky. Yes, I am joyous to live with. Do you have a problem with that?

I have nail polish on that reminds me of cinderella's dress. A gauzy blue with glitter. It looks lovely on my long nails, ok on my short ones. I bite my nails so I paint them. Then I don't bite. Or if I do, I just chip the paint, not my nails. I had dark dark dark blue last week, this week I might try something lighter.

Two weeks until christmas break. We get to go to church christmas eve, for my mom. I don't believe in what they say, but I like to sing. And sing I will. Last year the church we went to had specific people singing. The old-tyme choir. They were all quite old. They had a young soloist who sang with no heart. During the hymns the congregration sang but during communion they just listened. So mom and I belted out the songs. They were listed, they were familiar. And for that moment, they were ours. We sang. I don't know if we're going to that church this year. We may be going to the one we went to the year before - the one with the picture of someone dying on a cross with the lettering 'If you think it's hard being a christian today, think about how it was 1000 years ago'. Or something like that. There was also a song with 'God's Head' in it - my brother and I found this funny - the almighty 'GODS HEAD'. Ok, I know. If there is a heaven and a hell, I'm not going to the first one.

ANd I should go make the bed. Perhaps more later...

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