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Warning: Contains size references, 2004-07-23, 6:58 p.m.

I have a dream.

This dream is something that should be a simple one. I want a pair of pants that fit. Not maternity pants, but regular pants.

Lets go back a bit shall we? I lost a lot of weight before I was pregnant. I lost about 70 pounds and went to a size 11/13. I went from a size 16/18. This was accomplished by a lot of exercize and following the points system of we!ght wat@chers. I got tired of watching everything I ate and gained back a few pounds. But I was still a 13 when I bought clothing for school last fall.

When I first became pregnant, I gained 10-15 pounds right away. This was because I went from drinking only diet drinks and water to drinking water, regular soft drinks, juice and milk. Juice, milk and regular soft drinks have a LOT more calories and except for the soft drinks (which were kept to a minimum) are much healthier. I had to add a lot to my diet that was healthy as I was eating for two. Lets just say that my diet went to healthy and I gained loads. Plus, at that time I had to stop taking the medication that helps my metabolism, so boom, there went my system.

I didn't have a lot of back pain during pregnancy because I had decent ab muscles. However, I didn't get a chance to work on them during pregnancy of course. Then I got HUGE. I swelled a lot. A LOT. By the time I had the baby, I was freekin' huge. No one has seen the pictures of that but me and D. And noone will. My stomach was then cut open and all the muscles were destroyed. Now, even though I'm not that much different in size from when I started dieting in terms of inches around, I'm a different shape. And my legs, butt and upper body (besides my breasts which are biggish due to the milk) are smaller than they were predieting. So I'm a weird shape and size.

Now, I have to find pants. I have a big belly. Well, it's not huge, but it feels that way. And I'm still in maternity pants. One pair has a band, one pair doesn't and appears to be a real pair of pants. With them, I usually wear a baggy shirt. Some days I feel good about it, some days I don't.

I've been starting to exercize a lot more. Walking, pilates, yoga, aerobics - all of that. But the dream is still there - to find the perfect pair of pants.

I've been searching. My old pants don't fit yet - they're getting closer, but not there yet. I've tried on skirts and pants in so many sizes that it amazes me. Plus(+) sizes are big on me because they are big everywhere, not just the belly. "Regular" sizes are small in the belly, but good everywhere else. Today I tried on a skirt in a 13 that fit but was NOT flattering on my stomach. I tried on a pair of pants in a 20(+) that made me look huge as they were big everywhere but my belly. I tried on a skirt in an 18+ that was to big, but the 16+ had a broken zipper. I tried on 16+ pants that didn't fit because they were low rise. I tried on a size 15 skirt that did up but was tight. I tried on extra large yoga pants that fit really well but were to long (and had a fancy bottom that would have made it hard to hem them). Plus I don't want to get into the elastic waistband trap. So yes, size 13 regular fit better than 16+. And yes, there were seven digits in the difference between the smallest and the largest I tried on. I don't understand.

And I still don't have pants.

I look at others with babies and try to figure out what they do. Some wear sizes that are a bit bigger than before - you can do that much more easily if you started a lower size than I. Some didn't gain the weight. Others are managing. But I see more and more new moms in the plus size sections trying to find clothing. We really need a post-maternity store where you can get clothing that is regularly sized for everything but the belly. The belly should be slightly larger, but not maternity. Perhaps with slight give, but with waist bands. Smocked dresses that are tight on top (but with the elastic smocking allow you to access boobs for breast feeding) but loose on bottom should be around. And I should be able to find a damn pair of pants.

I just want to look good! Is that so wrong?




* Moving Day ** Things I know ** Where I whine about food ** Long sickness description ** Explaining *