I think if I were a tragic heroine, my downfall would be guilt. Like Lady Macbeth, I would be demolished by my guilt in matters. I am a strong womyn. I speak my mind. I support womyn's and men's rights. I can talk about anything and support it with examples from my life or reasons why I feel that way about a topic. I have my own dress style. I quickly gain a reputation. I am the geek with the glasses, the grrrl/womyn. I am the feminist, the advisor, the wise womyn. Yet, guilt can draw me down quicker than, hmm... something very quick.

Thanks kerykes for saying this wasn't my fault. Logically I know that. I am in no way responsible for the actions of others. Nor do I apologize for them in any way. I do however feel guilt when I know they were initially there because of me. It's like... inviting someone to a party and they do something that can potentially ruin it. They spike the punch or throw up on a rug. Even though you didn't do it, you feel some guilt by association. You helped present the situation even if you didn't cause it. I guess this situation was a little different as there was so much happening that I didn't know about. Like saying you're sorry you brought someone that threw up on the rug and finding out, oh no, they threw up on the bed and the plants and in the Ming vase.

I do feel some guilt for this. Just because. I shouldn't but it is what I do. Amongst other things of course. I feel less guilt as I find out more about the actions of all. I think defending yourself is fine. I think attacking others is not. Especially when the evidence is then destroyed and not mentioned when you are discussing what you've done.

But I really think that the auction was made the better for it. Rose from the ashes. Made it stronger and taught some lessons. It is surviving. And thriving. As was said in the guestbook, the best revenge is doing well. And they are. All the designs have bids, Toys for Tots will have a cheque and the diaryworld will have 18 new templates out there. And the womyn who are running it have learned from the experience. Most likely they've grown stronger as a group. They've supported each other and they've succeeded. Good on you. Perhaps your next theme should be surviving. You could do it.

Now.. if I could shake this guilt bit, which is slowly disappearing, then it'd be perfect..... I'm working on it.

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