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An unexpected rant, 2001-12-02, 6:09 p.m.


I'm at the parents house. As per usual, as this is sunday. No wine this week. Oh well.

It's amazing what time on an exercize machine will do. I feel very energized but very tired. I did reps on the elipse and the bike. And 500 stomach crunches with the do-hickey machine that pads your head as you do this. Quite a nice afternoon. It's good we don't have machines like that - I'd be on them for ages, all the time.

I think sometimes that my past eating problems are still there. I don't like to eat in front of people I don't know. And I would be on machines all the time exercizing. And I don't eat right. At all. I'm currently rewriting this entry - I had written a little more revealingly but now have changed it a little. I think that shows that I'm not totally comfortable with the past. Which is scary in many ways as I never want to be like that again.

I said once to someone in a discussion about Martha Stewart that she was just as bad for womyn as Cindy Crawford. She sets unrealistic expectations. Which is true. We expect so much of ourselves - even when I realize this, I do expect to be perfect at things. Our role models are perfect so often. Or at least they seem so after someone has made them so. And what role models do males have? They have different, yet equally damaging public role models.

The world is crazy and mixed up. And I don't know where this came from. All I know is that right now, it's supper time and I'm hungry!! More later.


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