Its saturday night. I'm spending my time reading websites and diaries and newsgroups and waiting for bigbrother to come on. Some may think that this makes me a loser. I say to them - bite me. This makes me happy with my life and my decisions. I don't need to do things I don't like - I can hang out at home and be happy.

I've never been a big downtown/party person. When I have gone downtown, its been for either a show (like Sheavy or Julie) or to the zone or a dance. I have to admit, the lesbian dance was really depressing. Everyone was hooked up and there in couples, and the person I went with was really there looking for her partner. It was like high school. Not that I was really looking or anything - but it would have been flattering, ya know? Ah well. Anyway.. what was my point? Well, its just funny that I"m not into stuff like that. So many of my peers are. And my bro and sis are. My bro especially. The sis isn't old enough yet - not that that always means something. Ah well. If I wanted to I could do it. I think thats the important thing.

Hmm... are there any songs I want to share. Not sure. Not that anyone is really reading this so I'm sharing with me. Do I want people to read this? Hmm... Well, while writing I'm aware that this is the internet. But it is nice to call it a diary and feel that I'm writing my thoughts. But, as someone said to me, noone writes a diary without wanting to have it read. I guess, hmm, I want people who read it to understand me a little more. And perhaps realize that they can't prejudge anyone - they all have different lives that they live - every day even. And that a persons current life doesn't mean that they don't have a hell of a past. I'm sure some of the stuff I write surprises people - especially those who know me. Yes, do I write knowing there may be people reading and edit. Yes, sometimes. Do I write lies however to present myself as I want to be to those that are reading. No. I think that this is still personal yet not overly so. I think this gives me a voice where I don't have to raise my hand or speak up. Its just speaking. Course, if anyone is still reading this, they're thinking 'shut up and tell me more about the lesbian dance!'.

anyway.. I think I'm going to go now. A song.. hmm..

Jonathan Richman's 'I was dancing in a lesbian bar'

Well I was dancing at a night club one Friday night

And that night club bar was a little uptight

Yeah, I was dancing all alone a little self conscious

When some kids came up and said, "for dancing come with us."

And soon...

I was dancing in a lesbian bar.

I was dancing in a lesbian bar.

Well I was dancing in the lesbian bar

In the industrial zone.

I was dancing with my friends

And dancing alone.

Well the first bar things were alright

But in this bar, things were Friday night.

In the first bar things were just alright.

This bar things were Friday night.

I was dancing in a lesbian bar.

I was dancing in a lesbian bar.

Well I was dancing in the lesbian bar

Way downtown

I was there to check the scene

And hang around

Well the first bar things were stop and stare

But in this bar things were laissez faire

In the first bar things were stop and stare

In this bar things were lassez faire.

I was dancing in a lesbian bar.

I was dancing in a lesbian bar.

In the first bar folks were drinking sips

But in this bar they could shake their hips,

In the first bar they were drinking sips

In this bar they could shake their hips.

I was dancing in a lesbian bar.

I was dancing in a lesbian bar.

(Guitar)

I was dancing in a lesbian bar.

I was dancing in a lesbian bar.

Well in the first bar, things were okay

But in this bar things were more my way

In the first bar things were just okay

But in this bar things were done my way.

I was dancing in a lesbian bar.

I was dancing in a lesbian bar.

Well in the first bar things were controlled

But in this bar things were Rock and Roll

In the first bar things were so controlled

In this bar things were way way bold.

I was dancing in a lesbian bar.

I was dancing in a lesbian bar.

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