Well... I feel better now. Thanks sugarbug for the encouragement. I had a rough week. A very rough week.

I think some of my problem is that I don't care as much about certain things as other teachers do. I like noise in a classroom. I like having fun. I'm not a drill sargent. If I could I'd do away with the false respect of calling me by my last name and have them call me Alison. I'd not say 'be quiet' so often. I'm not good at forcing structure. My classes... during my internship they would be considered of normal volume. Now... they're loud.

And, implied from what the other teachers say, out of control. I don't like controlling people. So when things go wrong and my classes are loud and other people complain about it and I have to try to fix it.. well, it makes me feel horrid.

It's funny tho. There are always certain students that I feel I fit in with. They're usually not the 'popular' kids. But those who feel the same way I do about a lot of things. Funny... you can sometimes tell by a few minutes with a person that you're the same type. Worked at O'Donel. Works here too. Of course, at O'Donel I broke the rules. I made friends with a few students. Here I can't. Which is silly. I'm not able to be myself. And sometimes, well, it all comes to a head and I have bad weeks.

I don't want to be my students friends. They have enough friends. And I'm 10 years older than some of them. However, I just want to be able to respect them as a person. As an individual. To hear what they are saying. Relate it all into the curriculum. Have conversations with them about their lives. Get to know them. What is so wrong with that?

Yelling isn't the answer. Neither is calls home, punishment or threats. But, until I find the answer that is right for me, that has to be the answer. There is no other allotted to me.

We all should be able to relate to each other. So, cue the music. One of my favourite songs seems right for this. It's The Christians and the Pagans by Dar Williams. And I love it.

The Christians and the Pagans

Amber called her uncle, said "We're up here for the holiday,
Jane and I were having Solstice, now we need a place to stay."
And her Christ-loving uncle watched his wife hang Mary on a tree,
He watched his song hang candy canes all made with red dye number three.
He told his niece, "Its Christmas Eve, I know our life is not your style,"
She said, "Christmas is like Solstice, and we miss you and its been awhile,"

So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table,
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able,
And just before the meal was served, hands were held and prayers were said,
Sending hope for peace on earth to all their gods and goddesses.

The food was great, the tree plugged in, the meal had gone without a
hitch,
Till Timmy turned to Amber and said, "Is it true that you're a witch?"
His mom jumped up and said, "The pies are burning," and she hit the kitchen,
And it was Jane who spoke, she said, "Its true, your cousins not a Christian,"
"But we love trees, we love the snow, the friends we have, the world we share,
And you find magic from your God, and we find magic everywhere,"

So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table,
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able,
And where does magic come from? I think magics in the learning,
Cause now when Christians sit with Pagans only pumpkin pies are burning.

When Amber tried to do the dishes, her aunt said, "Really, no, dont bother."
Ambers uncle saw how Amber looked like Tim and like her father.
He thought about his brother, how they hadnt spoken in a year,
He thought hed call him up and say, "Its Christmas and your daughters here."
He thought of fathers, sons and brothers, so his own son tug his sleeve, saying,
"Can I be a Pagan?" Dad said, "Well discuss it when they leave."

So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table,
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able,
Lighting trees in darkness, learning new ways from the old, and
Making sense of history and drawing warmth out of the cold.

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