At We Have Brains, I asked:

Imagine back through your life. Major events, major learnings. Imagine back to being 12, to being 8, to being 4. Think about what you liked to do then. Imagine back to birth. Now, imagine you were born a different gender - instead of female, male, and instead of male, female. How would your life be different? What would be the good points of being a different gender? What would be the bad? How would you feel?

I've been thinking about this a great deal since I found out I am pregnant. If I was a boy, I couldn't be pregnant. I wouldn't have this connection to the baby as it's developing. Yes, the cramping, the peeing, the nausea, and the tiredness (the tiredness!) are all frustrating. The birth will be painful. I have lost control of my body for 9 months (10, actually). But I wouldn't trade it for being the father. Yes, there are loads of good points about being a father. But for me, being the mother means a different set of good points and a closer connection, at least during fetushood.

During the rest of my life, I think that being a male would really change my life. I think that I would feel safer in some situations, and at a loss at others. I would like to think I'd be the same person, deep down, which means that I would be more accepted in some situations (strength and opinions) and less so in others (emotions and sensitivity). Being a boy/man would, I think, bring a different sense of how I conducted myself in different situations. I would feel more entitlement in some cases, I think. Not that all males feel this entitlement, but I think I would.

I don't think I would know fear in the same way. Perhaps I would. Perhaps particular leanings would follow me in my gender change. But if they didn't, and I presented myself to the world as a heterosexual, white male, fear would not be as much of my life. Not that fear takes over now, but I don't think I would understand the concept. Or perhaps some empathy and sympathy would allow me to understand, but I don't think I could, as I wouldn't feel it the same way.

I also don't think I would have to prove myself as much. Right now, I prove myself to show that I can do anything. If I want to do it, I can. But much of it is a proving situation - people here think girls can't do it, so I do it. My mother-in-law thinks I'm nuts sometimes because of gender stereotyping. I wouldn't have as much to prove and wouldn't extend sometimes I think.

I think if I were a guy, I'd be like my brother. Sensitive, nice, jerky, funny and strong. J. has few worries that coincide with mine. But he cares. I'd like to think that I'd be like him or my dad. I'd like to think that I'd be a good guy that way.

That's what it would feel like for this girl.

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