I wear a pendant every day. It's the spiral goddess, given to me by a friend years ago when things where chaotic. She's protecting me from chaos, from strife and from becoming overwhelmed. More so, she reminds me of this friend, with whom I've not spoken in ages after a falling out. It was a good friendship. The goddess has remained with me, and I usually put her on out of habit every morning, feeling odd if I don't have her.

I believe in a goddess, a great mother and any other form she takes. She is my personal choice of deity. I don't practice my beliefs, but have this choice made. I do believe that other peoples beliefs are just as valid and believe that some of the stories could be true. I love the scene in 'Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood' when she prays to the Great Mother, Divine Goddess and mentions for her to talk to her son and husband. Yes, even in movies can beliefs co-exist and co-inhabit within one person. I don't discount God or Gods or Jesus or Allah or any of the other males that people choose to hold dear.

I guess, I relate to females. And I would like to think that if anyone is looking out for me that I didn't know when they were alive, that they're female. That perhaps, those who work to spread and uphold their wishes are primarily female. That those who are considered their representatives are primarily female. If there is descrimination, that it is on the female side.

I went to church on christmas eve. This was more a favour to my mom than for religious comfort. We do this every christmas eve. There was a reader who was female, but of the five or six people at the alter, there might have been four or five men - apparently there was a female there as well, but I didn't see her. The choir was half female, half male and separated (and bad! but that's another story!). We were surrounded by reminders of the good old boys Church of England. I felt oppressed just sitting there. And I went in with an open mind and a fraggle shirt. I cannot worship at this alter. Religion - or beliefs - should not be oppressive in nature.

I wear my goddess over and under my clothing, depending on how it looks - if my shirt has something onthe front that I want people to see, she might go underneath. I don't discuss it. I'm waiting for the day that I'm told I can't wear her in schools - she is a naked torso with a spiral as a stomach and two wide legs - a rougher and less defined version of her. I want to defend my self by saying that we have a young man half naked on a cross everwhere and noone would question if that's what I was wearing. I want to say 'this is my belief' and complain on religious grounds, even if it's not religion. But noone has said anything and I accept that and appreciate it. Sometimes someone asks what it is, but that's normal. I don't put down anyone elses religion and will defend mine.

This is how I am different. It's part of being me and is intrensic in my soul.

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